Original hand-painted mixed-media art at the intersection of tech moguls, wild animals, and unforgivable wordplay.
"Where every CEO gets the spirit animal they deserve."
Tech Moguls
Wild Animals
Dad Jokes
🦬
A series at the intersection of all three.
The Collection
Hand-painted in acrylic, ink, pastels & gold foil. Each beast reimagines a tech titan as the animal their name was always destined to become — complete with its own lore.
Tech. Animals. Terrible puns.
Beasts of the Valley is a growing collection of 30+ original mixed-media paintings. Each piece reimagines a Silicon Valley figure as the animal hiding in their name, painted in scenes that reference iconic moments from their careers.
Think Marc Ant-reesen on the cover of Time Magazine. Jeff Bee-zos buzzing through a warehouse. Elon Muskox launching a rocket. Each painting layers acrylic, ink, pastels, and sometimes gold foil to create something between fine art, cultural commentary, and the kind of joke that makes you groan then immediately forward to your group chat.
Every beast comes with its own lore: an origin story, beast facts, and a signature move. Because what good is a spirit animal without a backstory?
The originals are one-of-a-kind. Prints, merch, and digital collectibles are coming soon.
Acrylic · Ink · Pastels · Gold Foil · Mixed Media
Meet the Herd
A preview of what's coming
🦬
Elon Muskox
Ovibos moschatus techicus
The Visionary Ungulate
Promised self-driving herds by 2019. Known for defensive circle formation when threatened. Still migrating to Mars. Posts at 3am from the tundra.
📜 Lore included
🐜
Marc Ant-reesen
Formicidae venturicus
The Venture Formicid
Software is eating the world. This ant is eating your picnic. Painted on the cover of Time Magazine carrying a crumb the size of a billion-dollar fund.
📜 Lore included
🐝
Jeff Bee-zos
Apis amazonicus
The Warehouse Worker Bee
Busy in a warehouse, building the hive that ships everything. Worker bee energy with queen bee ambitions. Your nectar arrives tomorrow. Possibly by drone.
📜 Lore included
🐦
Mark Zuckerbird
Aves metaversicus
The Meta-Avian
Pivoted from face-to-face interaction to the Metaverse. Still working on facial expressions. Has been known to drink water like a human.
📜 Lore included
🐦⬛
Bala-Jay
Cyanocitta networkius
The Network State Jay
Toronto-born Blue Jay building network states from a sovereign nest. Migratory by nature, stateless by design. Carries a copy of "The Network State" in his beak.
📜 Lore included
❓
You decide.
Species pending
Vote below
More beasts are being painted as you read this. Vote on who's next, or submit a commission request for your favorite tech animal.
▼ Scroll to vote
Who should join the herd next?
Pick your top 3. Most-voted beast gets painted next.
🦦
Sam Otter-man
♟️
Tim Crook
🦙
Satya Nadellama
🦎
Jensen Hu-iguana
🦬
Lisa Gnu
🦭
Peter Seal
🦋
Vitalik Butter-fly
🐊
Bill Gator
🐭
Sundar Pik-a-chu
🫎
Daniel Elk
Get in the pack
First access to drops, merch launches, and the occasional pun so bad it circles back to good.
✓ Early access to prints & merch
✓ Vote on the next beast
✓ NFT collector perks
✓ No spam, just puns
Request a commission
Got a tech figure who deserves the beast treatment? Suggest a name, a pun, or commission a custom piece.
What's Coming
The Migration Plan
Phase 01
The Gallery
Full portfolio with lore for each beast. High-res gallery. Original sales begin.
Phase 02
The Merch Den
Print-on-demand store. Stickers, mugs, tees, canvas prints. All the beasts, on all the things.
Phase 03
The Digital Pack
NFT collection on Base. Tokengated community. Holder perks. AI agents buying art via x402.